Family life, Paleo-ish eating and Coping with Chronic Illness

Posts tagged ‘Slippers’

The Purge

Most married couples have their fights.  After you’ve been married a while, you realize that you’re really  just having the same fight on a different day.  Slightly different versions of the same fight.  But still, the same fight.    At least that is what Scott and I do.

A typical danger zone for Scott and me is when we are in a new place.  He is driving, and I am navigating.  I am terrible at navigation.  He is terrible at patience.   The first time Scott used GPS to navigate, he was alone with Eddie. When they arrived at their destination, Scott called me right away.  He wanted to tell me that the  GPS was marriage saving technology.

Another thing Scott and I  fight about is stuff.  Things.  Objects.  We treat stuff differently.  Scott treats his stuff very carefully.  He keeps it organized and in good repair.  He holds on to his stuff FOR.EVER.

I’m not so careful.  I think it’s just stuff.  Here today.  Gone Tomorrow.  I usually want to get rid of our stuff.

Recently, we were driving somewhere in my car.  Scott was in the driver’s seat.  He found his sunglasses that he had been looking for in the pocket of the door.  They were broken.  He was a little irritated.  He said, “Can’t we agree that you should just use your stuff, and I’ll just use my stuff?”  Then, he added, “If you do use my stuff, could you at least try to take care of it?”

I’m like, “Can we agree for you to  not be so picky?  They’re just sunglasses.   I don’t know what Scott gets all worked up about, anyway.  They work, don’t they?”



I thought Scott would never change.  For years we have been arguing about all this stuff.  I try to haul it out the door, he tries to drag it back inside.  He admits that one of his biggest fears is that we will be in need of something that we have given away.  It’s not his fault.  He grew up in the Great Depression.  Well, he didn’t, but he certainly could have.  He would have done well for himself in the Great Depression.

Scott has had an epiphany lately. This summer he is becoming a new man.  He is finally ready to get rid of stuff.  I’m shocked at what he’s finally ready to let go.  We have been tearing through the basement, and hauling away bags of silly, old stuff.

He has had these slippers for as long as I have known him.  He says he’s ready to give them away.  He was thinking to charity.  I was thinking to the incinerator.  Think of the lucky young man who will stumble across these shiny slippers at Goodwill.  The things our family does for those less fortunate.  I didn’t mean to make you cry.  I’m sorry.   Let us just be an inspiration to you and your family.  Give until it hurts.




The slippers were a huge indication of how serious Scott is about ridding ourselves of all of these things that are unnecessary.  Something even bigger than slippers happened though.  Scott said we could get rid of this:

dubuque girl


You know what that is?  That is a signed poster from the spokes model for Dubuque Star  Beer.   The model signed this for Scott when he was a freshman in college.  Yes, that’s a cornfield behind her.  In Iowa we laid out at the cornfield.

She wrote on the poster, “Dear Scott, you’re the hottest guy I’ve seen all day.  Thanks, Mary”

This was a big moment for Scott.  I know he had a lot of unspoken emotional attachment to this poster.  Mary was a special lady.   Scott spent some quality minutes with her while she took the time to sign this poster.

Over the years we’ve run across that poster several times.  Scott never failed to show me what Mary wrote.

“Miki, did you see what is written on this poster?”

“Yep,” I said. “I read it.  Again.”

I could tell it was a fond memory for him.  I was always impressed.  I felt like a pretty lucky person to have gotten the guy Mary thought was so hot.  The hottest.

After we cleaned the basement and threw the poster in the garbage, I told Scott I was proud of him.  I said that I knew it was a big deal for him to get rid of all that stuff, especially the memento from his special lady friend.  I said, I’m sure you really were the hottest guy there that day.

He was watching TV when I said that.  He didn’t bother to look away from the TV.  He casually replied, “Oh, I asked her to write that.”

This whole thing.  This life of mine.  It’s all been a lie.











Cheers to Simple

I like my husband’s hair, his eyes, his personality, his physique. I know, that last one is a little personal. Have you seen him though? There’s a lot going on there. That’s all I’m sayin’. Do you want to know what I like most about my husband though? Do you want to know what my husband has that makes me the envy of so many wives? I’m telling you any way. I like my husband’s carbon footprint. It. Is. Sweet.

When I met Scott he was a care free, fun-lovin’ kinda college kid. What he was NOT, was a litterbug. I’m pretty sure that even when Scott was partying, he always remembered to recycle. He comes by this naturally. His mom and dad were “Green” back when it was just Mr. Jeans’ first name, and just another color of the rainbow.

If civilization goes down in a blaze of global warming, I want to tell you that is NOT on Scott (or his parents). Here are 5 ways Scott keeps his carbon footprint lookin’ so good:

1. His Phone

The kids keep talking about how their friend so-and-so upgraded from a 3G Verizon mega data base Iphone to a 62 Gigabyte Google download Chromiumsphere (I’m pretty sure I have all the names right) device. Scott upgraded too, ten years ago. From a rotary phone to this:

scott's phone

Scott and I usually get along pretty well, unless we are driving and he asks me to text someone for him from this device. I tell him to just wait. I say it’ll be easier if I just keep my eye out for a messenger pigeon, or find a cave so that I can etch in some hieroglyphics and send his message that way.

2. His Moccasins

For many, many years Scott wore brown, leather moccasins around the house. Then they tore. He duct taped his moccasins and wore them 5 more years. Then the duct tape tore. He duct taped the moccasins again. Then he fell asleep one night, and I threw his moccasins away. Now he wears these around the house. These were given to me by my mom many years ago. Scott stole them back then, and has been wearing them every day, ever since. He’s “Green”. He’s also a thief.


3.His Snow blower

My parents gave us their snow blower when we moved in to our house ten years ago. It has never been turned on. We’ve been nice enough to store it for them all these years. I don’t know why you would use a powerful snow blower when you can shovel one scoop at a time; seems almost senseless.

scott's shovel

When the kids were little Scott had them out in the driveway helping him with sand pails. They got a little older and he bought them all their own shovels. When they start talking about all their friends’ technology upgrades, we remind them of how lucky they are with their shovel upgrades.

Scott shovels the neighbor’s driveway now too. That is minus two carbon emissions each snowy morning. You’re welcome.

4. His Wheels

If you want to impress Scott, do not tell him you own a Hummer or a Lexus. He’ll be happy for you. He just won’t know what you’re talking about. I bet you think I’m exaggerating. I can do that, but not this time. I didn’t realize it either, but there are a couple of guys in the world who just aren’t interested in cars.

Oh, look at that. I found a picture of Scott next to his rental car on a trip he took with Eddie to see a Doctor on the West Coast. When I asked him what kind of car he rented, he said, “a nice one.” In this picture, Scott is telling you everything he knows about cars, why he thinks they’re so cool, and how they work. Here’s a summary,



Here is a picture of Scott’s real set of wheels. He uses this wicked machine to commute to work every day.

scott's bike

I must say he got all spoiled American on me. This bike is pretty new. He purchased it from someone off of Craigslist last year. I guess he thought his 20 plus-year-old bike wasn’t good enough for him any more. Some nonsense about the seat falling off and the brakes not working. I know. The guy is full of excuses. Now he has this sweet ride. A couple of times a week we ride double around the neighborhood just to make the neighbors jealous. That isn’t right. Sometimes you’d have a hard time proving I’m a Christian.

5. His Toys

Here is a picture of all the electric tools, boats, motorcycles, snowmobiles, 4-wheelers, I phones, I pads, and head phones that Scott owns:

scott's football

You know what the most maddening thing about all this is? I can’t even get Scott to toot his own horn. We’ll be at a party and someone will be telling him about their sweet new sports car. Or, about how they’re putting an Olympic size pool in their house.

I’ll ask Scott, “Well, did you tell them how small your carbon footprint is?”

He’ll say, “No.”

I’m like, really. What’s the point?

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