Family life, Paleo-ish eating and Coping with Chronic Illness

Posts tagged ‘Netflix’

Midwives and Crusty Coots

I’m glad  you came to my blog today so that I can tell you that you are crazy for having your kids vaccinated, and crazy for NOT having them vaccinated.  I’m totally firm on that.  Don’t even TRY to make me budge.

I keep thinking I’ve made my mind up about things, but then I keep changing my mind.  I only seem to change my mind when other people tell me to change it.  So, at least there’s science behind what I do.

I started thinking about how wishy washy I am when I was chatting with all the crusty ol’ coots I hang out with on the Wisconsin Wrestling forum.  I’m a regular reader and contributor to this forum.   It’s weird that I do that.  Trust me.  You probably don’t know just how weird, but it’s weird.

Hanging out on that forum reminds me of when I was fresh out of college, selling time on the radio.  I had to visit a LOT of “seasoned” businessmen in a rural area.  These guys were hunting, fishing, farming type of guys who often gathered for coffee in the morning, to jaw about oh, I dunno, whatever guys like that jaw about. Maybe guns and trucks and 4-wheelers…whoa.  Sorry.  I just fell asleep while I was writing that sentence. I got really bored.

I don’t have much in common with those kinds of guys.

I was in my early twenties then, and not from around those parts.  Sometimes, I’d walk into a store with a group of these guys, drinking coffee, yacking away; they would see me coming and the conversation would abruptly stop.  The group of buddies would stare at me while I’d make my spiel to the shop owner, trying to convince him to do business with me.  All those guys were completely comfortable with making me completely uncomfortable.

I really forgot about that part of my job until I started writing this post.  I’m glad I remembered, because I want to have this story on hand when my kids complain that they have to do something hard at work.  That was hard for me.  Truth be known, even though I am not shy, I do NOT like a live audience.  Really, I don’t.  Ask the people who know me best.  I’ll joke around all day when I’m in a comfortable group.  But, I don’t like real people looking at me with expectation.   I actually suck at official performances.  Makes my bones rattle.

Those rural business owners actually ended up not being so bad.  Turns out a lot of them were salt of the earth type guys, who helped keep me employed.  I think guys like that just think people should have to work for things.  They sorta like making people sweat.

So, about this wrestling forum.  The deal with that is somewhere in the last 25 years of watching wrestling, I’ve become a fan.  I like the forum, because they talk a lot of wrestling, and I can learn a lot from all those crusty guys.  This week they’re talking about a unique type of head gear.  One guy would say this head gear is the best.  He loves it.  Then, I’d think, yeah, me too.  I love it too.  Then, the next guy says the head gear is dangerous.  It does damage to the opponents face.  The head gear should be banned.  And, I’m like, yeah.  I think so too.  Let’s ban that head gear.

See what I mean?

Scott has always said that if people say things with enough confidence, everyone believes them, whether or not the person yammering on is speaking the truth.  I think Scott says that because he doesn’t now how to make false proclamations. And, maybe it bugs him that other people do. Scott is very, very (Did I mention very?) slow to state his opinion.  He won’t make a bold statement unless he’s completely and totally sure he has the facts.

I, on the other hand, get excited about things all the time, and can’t wait to share my opinions, based on quasi-truths.  It’s just one more thing I’m good at.

I told Scott he gives know-it-alls too much credit.  I said most people know that the folks who think they have all the answers are generally people who are full of crap.  How can a person know so much about everything?  They can’t.

Wow. That’s kind of mean.  Doesn’t mean know-it-alls aren’t nice people.  You can be nice AND full of crap, right?

That’s a lot of rambling with no particular point.  I’m sorry about that.  It’s been a quiet week.

Here’s one thing I DO know.  Take this statement to the bank: Netflix is awesome.  Definitely one of our family’s best purchases.  Zeke, Scott and I have invested about half our lives so far in various intriguing series.  We just finished “Lost”. That took some commitment.

Eddie has always accused Scott and me of not having a life.  Netflix isn’t helping.

We are currently searching for a new series to start.  I suggested, “Call the Midwife”, produced by BBC.  Scott saw just a few scenes, and he was completely appalled.  He couldn’t understand why anyone with a shred of dignity would watch this show.  It’s about women having babies a long time ago in London.

Every episode has multiple birthing scenes.  “Lost” had a few birthing scenes in it too.  Those scenes for sure were Scott and Zeke’s least favorite.

The first episode of “Call the Midwife” has a lady who is pregnant AND she has a venereal disease.  She takes off her underpants to be examined, and the nurse almost passes out from the stench.  There’s some talk of terrible discharge, and I do mean from her body, and not from the hospital.  You get the idea.

Hard to believe Scott doesn’t like that, right?  I knew you’d agree.

I guess I’m going to watch this one on the side, and  I’ll watch some other low-brow series with Scott and Zeke, if I must.

Call the Midwife … 'We don't go out on bikes.'

Maybe if the show would have put these midwives in race cars, or given them guns, the show would appeal to more people.  Shortsighted on the writers’ part, really.  I might send an email to the producer, and give them my suggestions.  I know a lot about all that stuff.

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Technology. You Should Try It.

Wowzah!  That seems like the right word for how I feel right now.  I’ve made some new discoveries, and I’m just super excited about them.  I am figuring out technology.  It is awesome!  I told Olivia this morning that my  next blog was going to be about apps.  I told her that I wanted people to know how crazy apps are.

Olivia said, “Mom, absolutely EVERYBODY knows about apps.”

I told her that wasn’t true.  Dad and Grandma don’t know anything about apps.  I’ll write a blog for them.

I have had a smart phone for a long time.  I’ve always needed one for work. But, I have never really used my smart phone.  Not like I should.   I am using my smartphone now.

It all started with Netflix.  The kids helped me download Netflix so that I could watch “Madmen” while the boys watched football.  Let’s take a side trip here for a moment and talk about “Madmen”.  You might know that this show is not always appropriate.  I feel like I need to apologize for that.  You may expect better from me.   Sometimes I make good decisions; sometimes I make bad decisions.   I don’t like pretending.

Scott and I started watching this show together.  Scott bailed.  He didn’t like it.  He’s super selective about what he hears and sees.  I could learn a few things from him.  He told me he’s too impressionable, and the characters were bringing him down.  He didn’t want to be negatively  influenced.  Sometimes I think my husband might be the coolest person I know.

I find the characters depressing too.  They’re pretty hopeless.  Kind of like people in real life.  The show is a tragedy, and that’s why I’m hooked.  It’s fascinating to see people trying to be content with an absence of hope.  I desperately want to tell these characters to cling to something that is permanent.  Someone needs to tell these sad folks that money, sex, power and status are illusions of happiness.  That’s why I watch this thing.    It’s all very spiritual and deep.  Not at all because Betty is so pretty, or because it’s totally interesting, or because they always leave me on a cliff hanger.  Not at all.

None of that though is really what I wanted to tell you about.  I wanted to tell you about technology.  After figuring out that I could watch “Madmen” any time I wanted, I started figuring more stuff out.   Here is what is amazing.  I have an app that measures my walks.  I have an app that plays my kind of music while I walk.  I have an app that gives me a daily devotional and Bible reading.  I have an app that recommends books, and allows me to participate in a virtual book club.  What is NOT to love about this stuff?

Besides the apps, the other technology that is making my life fun is my kindle.  Getting my book club recommended readings is as easy as a touch of my finger.   On top of that total awesomeness, I have “Fitnessblenders” on YouTube.  This is basically like my virtual personal trainer.  When I get back from my walks, I type in what I have time for in my browser: 15 minute strength training, 20 minute yoga, or 30 minute cardio.  How could it be more convenient?

I’m sorry that I’m telling you all this stuff you already know.  I just can’t contain my excitement.  I’m like Christopher Columbus, when he thought he discovered the United States.  You are  like the Native Americans.  You’re like, “We know.  We live here.”

I can’t wait to share all this stuff with Scott.  I told you that he has this big, shiny new smart phone.  He found a way to save us money by upgrading his flip phone to a smart phone.   Mostly his big shiny phone just sits on the coffee table like a big, shiny coaster.  I am so excited to tell him about how he can start using this thing.  When he first got the phone, he was more enthusiastic.  He actually carried it with him.  He kept telling me he had to check his Gmail.   Other then receiving calls and texts, Gmail was his only other use for his big, new phone.

Every time Scott told me he had to check his Gmail, it made me laugh.  He wasn’t sure why I thought that was so funny.  Truthfully, I didn’t even know why I thought it was so funny either.   Now I do.  Scott’s phone is the most grossly underused device imaginable.  I can’t wait to tell him.

Another incredible use for technology is learning that Beagles are nannies.  I think it’s fair to say that my life is better because of the video below:

 

 

Without YouTube we might have thought Beagles were just Beagles.  They’re not.  They’re also nannies.  Like I needed another reason to love Beagles.

 

 

 

Arranged Marriages Seem Alright

Many Americans are all big on freedom. They don’t favor arranged marriages. I think that’s a little hasty. I didn’t used to think arranged marriages seemed like a good idea, but now that I’m old enough to arrange one, I have changed my mind.

Wedding

It’s Valentine’s Day, so I’m thinking about these things: love, relationships, marriage. My kids are just entering, or getting close to entering that stage in their lives where their parents should talk to them about all of these subjects. And, let me tell you, my kids HATE it when their parents try.

Our kids do not appreciate their parent’s insight into relationships. Our children are offended by Scott and me. I visualize our children talking to a therapist one day. They will say, “I don’t know. I just can’t seem to move past the bad memories. My parents were married more than twenty years, and they still liked each other…a lot. I still have nightmares of them hugging, holding hands and laughing with each other like they were young. It’s sick. You can’t wipe those images from your mind. Now I just have to find a way to heal.”

That’s how our kids act. Even our dog is in on it. No one likes it when Scott and I hug or show each other affection. They try to break it up. Just in case you’re not following me, we’re talking occasional, sweet, Disney version hugs here. I don’t know what YOU were thinking, but this isn’t that kind of blog.

I have to get over the guilt I have for liking my husband. Instead I foster a small hope in my heart that way down the road, when our kids have their own kids, they will remember that having your spouse as your number one favorite person to hang out with, is just a state of normal. I hope I live long enough to see it. Grandma will get some pay back then too. I don’t know how, but she will. You remember that.

I don’t have to tell you that a lot of crap comes flying our way in life. Great relationships make all of that doo doo not stink quite so badly. I want to tell my kids how to choose their mate well. They won’t let me, so I’m telling you instead. Thanks for that. Here’s are some questions I would like my kids to ask themselves about a prospective mate:

How do they treat the people they don’t have a crush on?

The kids are really sick of hearing this one. I’ve said it a lot. If someone likes you, and they’re nice to you, it means exactly nothing. EVERYONE is nice to the people they have a crush on, it’s a fact. Don’t trust grand gestures and flattery. Trust every day kindness.

Pay attention to how a person treats the people they have no interest in ever dating; if they treat those people nicely and with respect, that’s a good sign.

I dated someone once who would say things like, “I hate that person.”

I would say, “Wow. You hate them? They must have done something horrible. What did they do?”

He would usually reply with something like, “I don’t know. They just bug me. I hate them.”

I know. I know. That’s a nonsensical conversation that I wish I was never dumb enough to have. Now you know why I feel the need to give my kids advice.

Are they emotionally predictable?

Emotions. You need to keep those babies under control. I’m not talking about getting teary eyed when you see a commercial about the Humane Society type of emotions. I’m talking about people who accidentally turn their lives in to a Soap Opera; people who convince themselves that a flat tire, forgotten homework, or a bad hair cut is a real problem. People who cry a lot, yell a lot, get mad a lot, give people the silent treatment a lot, are grumpy a lot, or feel sorry for themselves a lot are going to be a lot of work. I’d take a pass on those people.

Choose people who are predictably calm and happy. That way, if they are sad or angry, you know it’s probably something worth being sad or angry about.

If you ask them to call in sick to hang out with you, will they say no?

I hope so. There’s nothing more attractive than someone who honors their commitments. As you get older, your commitments grow. If you’re married, and out in the world showing up and getting your job done, while your spouse is lying on the couch watching Netflix, avoiding theirs, you’re going to be grossed out. I’m just telling you now so you know where things are headed.

Are they interested in things that don’t involve you?

A partner who has a passion for things that you don’t know about is an interesting person. Sometimes it can feel like a really long life. It’s better when it’s interesting. If your partner can teach you things you didn’t know before, you will admire them even more.

Do you believe the same things?

You have GOT to figure this stuff out before you get married, not after. Here’s why: Life will punch you in the gut. I hate telling you that. I wish it wouldn’t, but it will. I wish I could prevent it. I can’t. When you do get the wind knocked out of you, and your family finds out someone you all love has died, or developed a drug addiction or cheated on someone or been abused, your kids (my grand kids) are going to want answers. You’re probably going to tell them to talk to God. You may say that God has a plan, and they can trust His plan.

If your spouse tells them there is no God. Life is random. That will be confusing. It doesn’t leave much for you and your spouse to talk about either.

Do they interrupt you?

Interrupters are the worst. Don’t be one. Don’t marry one. It seems like a small thing, but it’s actually a big thing. If you found someone who looks you in the eye, and waits for you to finish your thoughts before they share their own, there’s a good chance you have found someone who is unselfish. You’ll enjoy spending your life with someone who is unselfish. Feeling like you’ve been heard by someone who cares will save you money on therapy too.

Do they make you laugh?

You should find someone who appreciates humor, and who can laugh at themselves too. In our house (like most others), we have had some serious things to handle. I watched a documentary one time on stress management. I learned how important it is to find a way to manage stress so that it does not make you physically or mentally ill.

A lot of the strategies described are not ones our family has employed. Then they mentioned humor and laughing. That’s it. That’s what we do. That’s one of the biggest reasons we’re upright, functioning and moving forward.

Even at the very peak of our most stress filled moments, I would guess no more than 20 minutes pass before someone has cracked a joke, and someone laughs. Laughter dissolves tension. I thank God he gave me a husband who agrees there is almost always something to laugh about. I hope my kids find someone like that too.

If you could choose one person to live with you on a deserted island for the rest of your life, would you choose this person? Would you be happy there?

I hope it’s yes to both questions. Your mate should be able to say yes too. When you have met the right person, you do not have to ask yourself if you have met the right person. You just know.

wedding couple

I’m sorry to be so disgusting kids, it’s kind of my job as a parent though. If you’re not going to let me arrange your marriages, then the least you could do is just hear me out on these things.

I’ve got more to say, but let’s just marinate on the above for now. Do you like that turn of phrase? I heard a lady say we should “marinate” on her words once at a seminar. It made want to put her in a headlock and give her a face wash in the snow. I thought I’d try it here.

I made such a good call when I chose your Dad. And that’s nothing compared to how good a call he made when he chose me (Oh, remember to find someone who’s humble too. Like me.) I just want to help you to do the same.

Happy Valentines Day!!!!

love

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