Family life, Paleo-ish eating and Coping with Chronic Illness

Posts tagged ‘Bourbon’

A Pretend Interview

I was recently interviewed by “People” magazine.  I thought perhaps I should share that interview on my blog.

You’re right. That didn’t happen.  My friend, and fellow blogger, Jamie Wright, tagged me on a Facebook post, asking me to answer some questions.  Just like she did for her friend that tagged her.  And, that’s why I’m special.

If there’s one thing I don’t do enough, it’s talk about myself.  I think we can ALL agree on that. So, because I’m shy, I thought I’d answer these questions, and then maybe, finally, you could get to know me.

1. How tall are you?

 5’6″, but the Doctor says 5’5″, and that’s how I  know they lie.

2. Do you have a hidden talent?

Wow.  This is embarrassing.  Yes.  Yes, I do have a hidden talent.  I used to work with the “Nerveless Knocks” at the Tommy Bartlett Ski Sky and Stage show.  We swung from a trapeze dangling outside of a helicopter, and jumped across swaying poles that stretched as high as the sky.  Well, by we, I mean, them.  I babysat their children, and I think that counts.

3. What’s your biggest blog-related pet peeve? 

Hmmm…who am I to judge?  Except, I do judge.  Mostly I just read the blogs I like. Reading blogs is totally voluntary.  So, I’m not sure why I would read a blog that annoys me.  Wouldn’t that be weird?

But, you did come here for the truth, so I will tell it.

There is this ONE thing.  There’s a blog I read sometimes, because the author is FUNN-EEEE!  Except she’s kind of mean too.  She is often funny at other people’s expense.  She mostly makes jokes about people who are doing awful things and getting caught at it, but sometimes I ask myself how that helps. The negativity is pretty potent. But, there I am reading it, so what do I know?  Really.  Nothing.

4. What’s your biggest non blog-related pet peeve?

 I don’t know.  You might have to ask my family.  I can’t think of anything.  Maybe I have a high threshold for irritation?

Wait.  Wait. I just thought of something.  I’m sorry I’m going to say this, because I know some of the people I just love the ever livin’ daylights out of may partake  in this, but, again,  I’ve got the editorial staff at “People” breathing down my neck here. So, there’s that.

I do NOT like it when parents go ape crap in the bleachers.  I really don’t.  Especially, when they yell negative things, and scream at the ref.  It strikes me as pure silliness.    If I ever see a ref change their mind because of an angry parent, I may change my position. Until then…

There are lots of times I feel like my head’s going to explode, because I so badly want to say, “Please, please, just calm down.  Those are just kids out there, save all this hysteria for a real problem.”

Wait.  One more.  I’d like to retract my first paragraph.  Turns out my threshold for irritation is, indeed, quite low.

How about daily, or somewhat regular, selfies of grown ups?  I’m letting kids off the hook here.  Because, they are, after all, kids.  You’d expect that from them.

Usually, I like to “like” photos, or comment.  But, regular grown up selfies confuse me.  I’d like to encourage regular, grown up, selfie takers to leave a caption with their image.  Otherwise,  I’m not sure what we’re supposed to be thinking or saying about all these.

“My land, look at how you’ve grown in the last 72 hours.   I never would have known that was you with your hair in a pony tail, because If my memory serves me right,  I think you wore your hair DOWN yesterday, right?  Whew!  Thanks goodness for selfies, so we can remember what we look like.”

I know.  I’m being negative.  This interview is revealing

5. What’s your favorite song? 

Really?  That question?  I don’t pay much attention to who sings what. Mostly I like music for the sing-along-factor.  My kids tell me I am always singing the wrong words.  It’s just that I like hearing myself sing, and I can’t be bothered with waiting to find out what the ACTUAL words are.  I just start singing, and hope for the best.  When someone asks me who sings that song, I say, “Me.  I do.”

Here’s what I listen to on Pandora:

Contemporary Christian

Classic Rock

American Authors

Imagine Dragons

Trampled By Turtles

The last three were recommended to me by my son, Zeke.  I thought adding them to the list might make me seem just a little edgier and cool.  If they do, then for sure I DO listen to those bands.

6. What’s your favorite Etsy shop that isn’t yours?

Well, you certainly have me between a rock and a hard place on this one.   I guess I’ll  just say I like my own hand knitted underpants I make from lambs wool that I sell on Etsy. What a niche I’ve found.

WHAT?  Who has their own Etsy shop?  My daughter just showed me what Etsy was last week.

7. What’s your favorite way to spend your free time when you’re alone?

I need time alone like I  need oxygen.  I suspect most busy moms do.  I don’t think I’m unique that way.  I clean, walk, read, write and mime.  I mime to relieve stress.  You should try it.  Your kids LOVE it when you do that stuff for their friends.

Am I in a box?  Oh no, my friend.  That’s just an imaginary box.  A box of my own making.  I’m free to fly.

Yeah.  It can get pretty deep, and that’s what I think my kids’ friends like the best.


8. What’s your favorite junk food?  

 Mostly my kids make jokes about how sad their lives are because they don’t get junk food.  Don’t believe them.  We eat plenty of it.

I’ve had a bit of a preoccupation with health and nutrition in my  life.  It interests me. Then, I had a sick boy, and I became slightly obsessed.  I’m recovering from that now.

At my obsession’s peak, the only thing that resembled junk food in our house was stuff like, dried kale.  One time I bought dried Kimchi at Trader Joe’s. I thought this could be a good snack for my family.

Yummy Kimchi

I received an email from Scott one morning at work.  It said, “What on God’s green Earth was that stuff in the cupboard?  That is not food.  I don’t know what that is.  It is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten in my life.  It tastes like I’m eating out of the toilet. Stop wasting money.”

I wish others could appreciate just how funny this email from Scott was.  If you don’t know him, it’s hard to understand. Scott doesn’t complain.  He doesn’t use words like “the most” and “disgusting”.   He just goes along with my hair brain ideas. He’s loathe to overstate things, or exaggerate.  That’s kind of my thing.

That’s why I found this email so funny.  I knew from Scott’s description, that I must have discovered the most horrific food available.  I tried dried Kimchi when I got home.  Scott was right.

9.  Do you have a pet or pets? If so, what kind and what are their names?  

You silly question asker.  Why would you  open up that can of worms?  People don’t like getting me started on talking about my pet.

I have a sweet, fluffy, puffy, oopsy, doopsy, baby, wah wahh, goo goo, gah gah dog, named Reggie!!!  That’s how we talk to Reggie in our house (the girls do, anyway).  He’s so precious and cute. We love him, and treat him like a baby.

You asked.

Scott likes him too, but not as much when he opens his eyes in the morning to see Reggie’s private parts inches from his face.  That’s a part of Reggie, Scott does NOT love.


10.  What are your #1 favorite fiction and nonfiction books?

I better make my answers shorter. There are more questions here than I realized.  I’m actually even getting tired of listening to me.

“Grapes of Wrath” – Fiction

“Holy Bible” – Non Fiction – Sorry.  I defaulted to the Sunday School answer.
11.   What’s your favorite beauty product?    

Are you trying to uncover my vices here too?  My grandmas were product junkies.  So am I.  So is my daughter.  It’s in our DNA.  I like Lancome eye liner.  I like L’Bri skin care.  And, just so much more.  I like it all.

12.   When were you last embarrassed?

What does it mean if I can’t think of an answer to this question?  I know.  I must be a narcissist. I should probably be embarrassed every day of my life, but I’m not.  I’m Michael Scott:

Occasionally, I’ll hit someone with my car. So, sue me.

13. If you could drink one beverage (besides water) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Bourbon.  On the rocks.  I put my smoking jacket on every night after work, while Scott makes me my bourbon.

We sit by the fire in our leather wing backs, discussing who shall make the arrangements with the nanny and housekeeper for the following week.


Scott, without his bourbon.

14.  What’s your favorite movie?  Adentures in Babysitting, of course.  Who’s isn’t?

I really just don’t know.  I remember liking that movie when I was young.  I’m not a movie buff.  And, it’s official.  I’ve lost interest in me.  Are we almost done?

5.  What were you in high school: prom queen, nerd, cheerleader, jock, valedictorian, band geek, loner, artist, prep?

 I was the valedictorian.  Just trust me.  No need to check facts here.  It’s in print. What further proof do you need?

16.  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Well, truth be told, I like where I live now.  I love small towns.

When we retire, we do have two ideas:

1. Third world country.   Helping whoever needs us.

2. A quaint neighborhood, in an older home  just West of the Capital of Madison, WI.  We will be within walking distance to bike/walking/running paths, famers markets, lakes, libraries, restaurants and coffee shops.  I would love that.

17.   PC or Mac?

Mac n Cheese, for sure.  That stuff is awesome.

18.  Last romantic gesture from a crush, date, boy/girlfriend, spouse?  

I actually did a whole blog about Scott’s new habit of sending me emoticons.  They’re just lovely.  He’s set the bar real low for romantic gestures, so I swoon easily.  He’s always been clever like that.

19.  Favorite celebrity?

Steve Carell.  Will Ferrell.  Ben Stiller.  I know these guys can be wildy inappropriate.  They can also be wildy hilarious.

20. What blogger do you secretly want to be best friends with?

Momastery Blogger.  Her name is Glennon Melton. She’s a bright lady, with her head on tidy and straight.  Mostly I just want to admire her though.  Making new friends sounds time consuming.  I’ve kinda got my hands full with all the miming.  I think she might have enough friends.

That’s it.  More than you ever wanted to know about me.  You’re welcome.

If you just read all that, then I guess I owe you pretty big. Send me your address, and I’ll have my assistant send  you a tootsie roll in the mail.  Or, just stop by in your smoking jacket for some bourbon.


Why Small Towns Beat Wealthy Suburbs

We live in a small town. Actually, it’s two small towns sitting right next to each other. You know, like the twin cities. Only with out the people, grocery stores, strip malls, restaurants, stadiums, hotels, buildings and traffic. Otherwise, exactly like it. My small town is awesome. 10 years ago Scott and I had a hard time deciding whether we should move to our small town. We deliberated and fussed. We hemmed and hawed. Then we moved there. Right away I knew we were home. I love it. I really do.

Families who relocate for their corporations, almost always choose nice, wealthy suburban communities. I get it. Wealthy Suburbs put you closer to work and Starbucks. It’s the American Dream. Small towns are usually not up for consideration. I think they should be.

Small towns win for so many reasons. Here are some of my favorite:

1. Recovering Stolen Property

When Eddie was in Middle School, his bike was stolen. It was only a matter of time before Eddie saw the kid who stole his bike riding it around town. Eddie, walked up to the kid at school and said, “Hey man, can I get my bike back?” The kid thought he wanted to act kinda tough at first, but then they just decided to be friends. Now, when Eddie sees that kid he says, “Remember when you stole my bike?”

The kid is like, “Yeah. That was funny.”

2. Everyone is Famous

When I pick up our local paper at the grocery store, there is an 80% chance someone in my family is in it. We could be featured in a story on the recent dance recital, or maybe we made the honor roll. On a big news day, we might have even made the front page for trick-or-treating on Main Street.

3. The High School Parking Lot

Drive by the small town High School. Look at the cars in the parking lot. Mostly it’s just older model vehicles, except for a few rich kids who drive Chevy Malibus. Drive by a wealthy Suburban School. You’ll see new BMW’s, Hummers and Mustangs. I don’t have a ton of strong opinions, and I don’t like to judge. I’m not saying I’m judging parents who buy their kids grossly expensive cars, it’s just that…Forget it. I’m judging. I’m judging hard. I’m judging them just like I’d judge a parent who brought their baby to playgroup in a fancy tuxedo, with a top hat and a bottle filled with bourbon.


Some things just don’t go together. Kids who live under someone else’s roof and have someone else paying for their food, clothes, electric bill and internet, should not be driving cars that cost more than people in third world countries earn in their lifetime. I know. I just lost some friends. I’m going to have to stand by that statement.

4. Birthday Parties

Have you heard about moms who feel pressure to hold more and more elaborate birthday parties in order to impress each other? I’ve read about this, and I’ve seen it on TV. It doesn’t happen in small towns.

In Suburbia you may have to hire entertainment for your birthday parties. If you’re from a small town, then I just made you laugh. In a small town your Birthday party may be elaborate when you’re younger. You may get to go bowling or to McDonald’s Playland. When you’re older you call a few friends and say, “My mom said I could have a few friends over and go to a movie for my birthday.” Now, THAT is hard to top.

birthday clown

5. Kids Can’t Get Away with Crap

In a small town, if you’re a kid and you feel like causing trouble, there’s a hundred percent chance your parents will find out. If you were at the park doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing, your parents know. Your parents knew what you were doing before you left the park. Your parents have had three phone calls before you have had time to walk home. Your parents know who you were with and what you were doing. It takes a village, son.

6. People Look Their Age

In a small town, if you’re 42 you look 42. In a small town grandparents look like grandparents. Grandmas wear appliqued sweatshirts and they have wrinkles. Grandmas don’t wear leggings, fur coats and have faces that look like they’re wrapped in saran wrap. In small towns, we don’t see a lot of cosmetic surgery, but we do use Ponds Cold Cream.

plastic surgery

It’s small towns for the win!!!

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