There are so many great things that happened this year. I’d like to tell you about every single one of my blessings in intricate detail. I bet you’d really like that. You’d like that as much as you like getting those 18 page, tiny print Christmas letters. The ones that include pictures of the kids’ first place ribbons and straight “A” report cards. Bad stuff is way more interesting. That’s why I will share with you now the 5 bad things that I’m leaving behind this year:
I have rocked a version of the same hair for 30 years. It isn’t that I don’t tell the hair stylist to give me a current look. It isn’t as if she doesn’t try. I walk out of the salon with high hopes that I just might finally look modern. The problem happens when I get back home. After my first post hair cut wash, I realize that my hands and curling iron are trained to only work one way. The results look dated.
I finally asked my stylist to train me. She did. Just a few simple tricks brought me from the 80’s to 2014. I wish I would have thought of that 30 years ago. It’s kind of sad to have say goodbye to this. I know a lot of people are going to miss it, especially Dee Snider. He just told me the other day how good my hair looked:
Sorry ladies, I know I’ve given you some of my time this year. That’s gotta end. You’re no good for me. I could spend my alone time eating cotton candy and drinking shots of vodka; it would be better for me than you women. The word “Real” in “Real Housewives” is meant to be ironic, right?
Maybe I’ll start my own version of “Sauk Prairie Real Housewives” with my fiends. I’d have an off camera interview like this, “Well, Mary told me that I needed to have the vegetable tray to the high school cafeteria by 5:00. When I got there, she was there to meet me. She hugged me and thanked me for bringing it. I’m like, are you for real?!!”
See? Bad stuff is way more interesting.
Paying bills with checks
I’m switching the last of our bills over to automatic bill pay in 2014. I handle the bills in my family. I’m like a detail FREAK! Ask anyone. Total Type A personality. I have a strategic process for paying bills that involves several steps. 1) The bills come in the mail. 2)I throw them in my purse because I don’t have time to pay them at the moment. 3) They fall to the bottom of my purse where they’re forgotten. 4) I get a call from the cable/utility/cell phone company telling me that they’ll cut off service if I don’t pay the bill. 5) I pay the bill over the phone. It’s simple really. Feel free to replicate my system. I may even write a book about it. Now you’re judging me. I’m gonna suggest you leave judging behind this year.
Talking about Myley Cyrus
I’ve actually never talked much about Myley Cyrus, but I’ve wondered about her. I heard an interview with Myley the other day. I listened to her, and I started figuring it all out. I was waiting for her to give a well thought out defense of her anti establishment behavior. Usually there’s more to the story than what we think we know. I kept listening and listening. Then I understood. We’re totally expecting way more of this girl than we should. I’m not being mean. I’m just being straight.
She isn’t exactly an intellectual. She’s a young girl with what I would guess to be lower to medium intelligence, gobs of money and the whole world staring at her. How she conducts herself is only slightly less weird than the attention we give her. I should basically expect and reflect as much on the decision making and behavior of Myley Cyrus as I do of the snowman in our front yard.
Sitting on Bleachers
I mean, I’m still going to watch my kids do stuff. I love doing that. Doing that is like a parent’s end of the year bonus, rewarding them for all the other hard stuff they do. What I’m NOT going to do from this day forward, is make direct contact between my butt and the bleachers. I bought a stadium seat:
Oh good heavens. Have you tried these? If you spend a lot of time on the bleachers, I can’t explain how much you should get one of these seats. It’s like going from sleeping on a kitchen stool to sleeping in a warm, king size bed.
I was holding out and not buying one of these, because I thought that the seats were for old people. Before I bought one I made the smart decision to mention this when I was sitting in the middle of all my wrestling parent friends…who were all sitting on stadium seats. I sit alone now.
What would you like to leave behind this year?