Oh, Happy, Happy Thanksgiving. Are you feeling Thankful this year? I am. I don’t know what’s going on here. Because I got problems. The WORLD’s got problems. We all got problems. But, I am just sitting here feeling light. Lighter than usual even.
My memory is worse than ever lately. So, I’ve been trying to remember what put me in such a good mood. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe when you get older, you just forget to worry and care so much. Certainly makes life more simple. But, I don’t think that forgetting to worry is the only reason I feel so blissful.
My best guess is I’m happy because Eddie is still going strong. Usually, the fall is not our friend. Things go badly. Then, they get worse. Last year was so much better than previous years. This year seems better than last. Sure. Eddie catches about one cold a week, but every time I hear him start to cough or sneeze after the sore throat starts (instead of that eternal/blasted/freaking ridiculous and endless vomiting) I cheer! Yay! It’s just another virus.
Now. If we’ve been friends for a while, you’ll know that I’m already worrying about mentioning this health situation. I’m loathe to administer a jinx to this wonderful state of affairs. But, Scott has told me many times that the jinx is not a real thing. He says there is nothing I can say, or not say, that can change circumstances beyond my control. Sometimes Scott is just so full of crap. Where does he come up with these fairytales?
I found an essay in the basement that Olivia wrote when she was younger. She explained that her brother was very sick. She said that she missed her Mom, because her Mom was always at the Doctor with her brother, or doing something else to help her brother. Then, she scolded herself. She said she should NOT complain. She said she was grateful her Mom was helping her brother, and she hoped with all her heart they’d find a way to make her brother better.
I needed a moment after I read that letter. Jeez. The guilt. After my moment, I decided to be a big girl and take my own advice. Just last week I was telling a friend how I could tell her kids were actually even more awesome than they would be otherwise, because of the extreme adversity their family has been given. It’s true. Her kids are unusually responsible and caring; I know it is because the option for spoiling and indulging those kids was just never there for my friend. My friend’s kids turned out extraordinarily well as a result of having to all pitch in, and being made aware that life can be unpredictable, and short. I hope a bit of that is true for our kids too. A Mom needs to hold on to an idea like that, because the guilt moms feel when we can’t shield our children from suffering is a heavy beast who wants to take us down.
I really have no business being happy. If I had any sense, I’d be depressed. I’m not real pleased with what’s been staring back at me in the mirror lately. I’m quite shocked by it, actually. It started when Olivia took a picture of me at dinner one night. We looked at the picture together. I said, “Delete that.”
I didn’t even need to explain why. Olivia just said sweetly, “Mom your face just looks wrinkly because you’re chewing.” Mmm Hmm. Yeah. Everyone’s face looks like dimpled dough when they chew? She’s sweet, even if she does lie sometimes.
I can’t explain exactly what’s happening on my face; it’s like I have a face on top of my face. You know what I mean? Like a second set of face skin. Which a girl should always be thankful for a second set of anything, right? So, what am I complaining about?
I’m not complaining about ANYTHING! I’m happy, remember?
My happy state of mind is giving me great hope for the holiday season. Do you remember that blog I wrote about Olivia really laying me out with her regrets in life? She was sad because I never did much in the way of Santa and Leprechauns and what not. I tried making up for all that last year with this whole big “Teenage Elf” thing. That really couldn’t have gone any worse. Zeke already warned me there’s no need to resurrect “Teenage Elf”. Thanks, Zeke. Some things go without saying.
That doesn’t mean we’re not gonna do it up this year. I FINALLY have the mental capacity to manage holiday memory making. The kids are a little old for all that, but we’re gonna make up for lost time. And, by kids, I mean Zeke and Olivia.
There’s something odd about Scott and Eddie. They’re immune to fun holiday stuff. Holidays do not raise their excitement meter even a little. They think decorating and baking are boring. They don’t understand birthdays either. I guess that’s what’s it’s like to be born with a heart of stone. It’s a dark part of our family. I don’t want to talk about it any more.
That doesn’t mean Zeke and Olivia and I can holiday ‘er up! We already started. I did something I’ve never done. Zeke, Olivia and I bought an outdoor Christmas decoration. A snowman. And, if you think we waiting until after Thanksgiving to light that guy up, then I guess you just don’t know how serious I am about creating our very, merry Christmas.
This is just the beginning.
I also bought Zeke and Olivia an Advent Calendar. I did this last year too, after Olivia made me feel so guilty about my lack of holiday traditions. Last year the calendar had chocolate behind the little door each day. The chocolate tasted like a tiny waxy bar of soap. I guess that’s what kind of Advent Calendar 5 bucks will buy you. This year, I spent a bit more. Chocolate that is edible will improve fun memory making potential of the Advent Calendar, I hope.
I don’t know what else I got up my sleeve. You’ll find out though. I’ve never been a crafter, but this could be the year. This could be the year for homemade pajamas and pickled plums. This is the year. We’re stringing popcorn, roasting chestnuts and drinking Yuletide. Wait. What? Just trust me. I can do this.
I’ve always had this Pinterest inside me. It’s just been waiting for the right moment to be birthed into existence. The moment has come, baby.
Don’t think I’m leaving YOU behind. I’ll be sure to share all my whimsy, with a dash of merry ideas on my blog, so you can try to recreate the same Christmas memory in your own home.