Sometimes you just know things. You don’t have to hear it from someone else, or read about it. You just know.
I’ve never asked anyone else about this thing, and how knowing things happens for them. Maybe I should.
I have a way of knowing things that takes time. It starts with one thought or an idea. That idea grows. I can work over ideas for weeks or even years. Then, suddenly I know it. I don’t work it over again. My mind settled it. I’m ready for the next thing I should know.
I have memories of being a young girl and going through this knowing process; it’s familiar now. As a girl, I was overwhelmed with all there was to know. As a woman I am grateful that I will never get to the last thing I know. I like learning.
The latest thing I know is about silence. It’s about being quiet. We live in a loud world. I’m one of those people who is making a lot of noise. Sometimes I need to be quiet. Sometimes silence is restorative. That’s what I now know.
Fall/winter is trying for our family. Fall/winter is running the gauntlet. The only thing worse than running the gauntlet, is preparing to run the gauntlet again. You remember how hard it is. In theory, you should get better with all the practice.
I have been preparing for my challenge with silence. I’m trying to be quiet. Being quiet is not my natural state.
I’m using the quiet to think about what I’ve learned from running the gauntlet before. How can I avoid the same missteps? Where can I find sure footing?
I’m using the quiet to talk to God. I’m using the quiet to listen to God.
I think I hear him telling me more about silence. I guess I know it, because right now silence is what my heart craves. I’m tired of hearing my own voice.
The other night I took a late night walk. I was a little sad. It was Friday. It was dark; it felt like I was the only thing stirring in my small town.
I looked into the black sky, and I told God a few things. Then, I listened. I enjoyed the warm breeze and bright stars. I walked longer than I meant to walk. I came back with a measure of peace.
After that walk I thanked God for helping me know. I thanked him for using the simplest things to help restore. I asked him to keep reminding me about those simple things. I asked him to help me know when to be quiet, so that I can hear His reminders.