You may remember my last post was on positive thoughts. Those work. You may not think talking about killing is very positive. But, see I’m talking about NOT killing someone. So, THAT actually is good. Meditate on it.
Last week we had an inspector come to our house to evaluate our levels of environmental allergens. This is a guy you never want to invite to your house. We hired him to tell us what our potential problems are and where. We had an air quality test done a while back. Everything checked out fine. Apparently those tests can change day to day and are not totally reliable.
We have been asking ourselves (again) if there is something in our house that is making Eddie sick. If so, we were prepared to just burn the thing down. Well, after FIVE hours of going through every inch of our living space with a fine tooth comb, the inspector told us that our house is in pretty good shape. And by pretty good shape, I mean, we live in complete filth.
I do NOT recommend anyone go through this exercise. Bru – Tal! If you are a germaphope and you have this guy come to your house, just make sure you make your reservation at the mental institution in advance; that is where his information will send you.
I am aware that I am not a 5 star housekeeper. I think I might give myself 2.5 stars. Then again, I have been known to be overly confident. Maybe I am actually a 2 star. I know what a 5 star is too. My mom, Aunt and cousins are five stars. They’re like “The Ritz Carlton”, I-dust-the-top-of-my-water-heater-every-week type of housekeepers. I’m like the “Motel 6”, I haven’t-seen-my-kitchen-counter-in-a-month type of housekeeper.
Well, turns out “Motel 6” housekeeping isn’t cutting it in the allergen free department. Did you know that dust is actually human skin? We shed skin all day, and it lands on our TV and underneath our refrigerator. And if knowing your skin is hanging out on the TV doesn’t impress you, then I can tell you that mites live in that skin dust. These little dust mites poop all day long. Dust mite poop is toxic. Isn’t that awesome?
More good news is that your bedding is full of this shed skin. So, sheets are the perfect breeding ground for mites and their turds. COME ON, MAN!!!! Don’t you think I have enough to worry about? Now you’re telling me that my family is sleeping in poop?
The inspector did other fun things, like show me mold that is growing in the refrigerator (in places you need to get on your hands and knees and use a flashlight to see.) And, he explained that the beautiful antiques in our house are also home to mold. Right there. That is the time I considered delivering a karate chop to his neck.
After the inspector’s horror house tour, he told me our home checked out pretty well. Then he handed me a 5-page, double-sided list of things we need to do to rid our home of allergens. Here are just a few of the items on my list:
1. Buy new pillows
2. Wash sheets every week
3. Spray vinegar inside toilet tank
4. Spray vinegar and wipe down underneath and all over every antique (getting rid of them is even better).
5. Buy special attachment for vacuum to clean the bottom/underneath the refrigerator.
6. Pull everything out of the refrigerator. Clean every inch.
7. Buy a new dehumidifier with a hose.
8. Recaulk the bath tub.
9. Dust every few days.
10. Spray insulation in all openings in the basement.
There are at least 200 more items on this list! Excellent.
We have already started. We are not expecting this to cure Eddie. But, it is definitely going to help (I’m a positive person, remember?). People with healthy immune systems have the luxury of being able to lay in poop and serve themselves up plates full of mold, if they’re in the mood for it; no harm done. But, if your health is compromised, all this stuff is taxing on your system. We’re going to bust through this list, and it is going to help Eddie feel better. And for THAT reason alone, I let that inspector live to see another day.